Blood Flow

How does one ever begin to explain something that they have no comprehension of?
How do I begin to explain to the doctors that my blood is still pumping through my veins, yet I am numb-- entirely.
Where do I begin the list of emotions that scatter more along the lines of bipolar than roller coaster?
I am not insane.
I am not bipolar.
I am simply, numb.
My being is at a stop light that never changes; no matter how much I crawl toward it, or honk, I am at a stand still.
I wish so badly that my day did not get ruined by the clouds in the sky, but it always seems to go that way.
I wish that I could look at the moon and feel something besides cold.
I pray that one day I look up to the sun and feel warm again.
This place is lonely-- this place I'm trapped in.
I am not sure how to get the light to change, but I hope to figure it out someday.

Starry Night

Growing up, she  traced the moon every night with her pointy finger 

When she was eight she told her daddy she wanted to be like the beautiful stars one day

But, some dreams are forgotten in time.

One night at age fifteen she was at a bonfire; completely lost in who she was.

She hadn't known herself in six months since boys started noticing her breasts and her braces came off. She was brand new. No more galaxy girl 

She had drank a few and smoked some smoke--

Completely lost in her thought until she saw the moon.

She crawled in a random tail bed and traced the moon with her pointy finger like when she was three 

The next day she visited her daddy's grave and told him it was time to change. 

She remembered she wanted to be a star one day. 

John's Innocence

She sat on her porch listening to the hum of the cicadas and lit her last cigarette 

After the year she had, after the things she had suffered; where was God?

She had never known how empty it felt to be alone

Puff, puff, her lungs were full of smoke

Her little brother came outside and told her she was going to get cancer, 

He begged her to put it out

The girl said, "I'm dying anyway, John."