The Weekdays

6:57 a.m., the light flicks on and the world is awake, “will you put my hair in a ponytail?” My little sister who is eleven still depends on my weary eyed help for her hair every morning. In a flat seven seconds I have it pulled back and mumble, “now close my door and turn the lights out.” Class doesn’t start until eleven for me, that’s time to stay in bed where it’s warm. “No, mom says you have to wake up and pack the girls' lunches.” This is a morning ritual. I am sleep deprived but I stumble out of bed, find my glasses and make two peanut butter and jelly's, hand them to my younger sisters, bid them good day and hobble back to bed. Finally, back to sleep. 8:45 the alarm goes off-- snooze is my best-friend. 9:15 comes around, “ugh.” I live thirty minutes from campus, if I push my luck and don’t bet on traffic I have until 10:25 to be on the road. 9:20 and I’m pushing my luck, finally rolling out of bed to brush my teeth.

To Jump or Not to Jump

Free will is having the ability to choose whether to turn left or right.
Fate is the fact that it was inevitable that no matter what you chose, you would come to a cliff at the end of the path.

With the help of my free will I sat on my porch listening to the whirling wind as I drew out the  last long puff off my cigarette. I drove without my seat belt. I laughed without a cause. I stopped going to school, I didn't turn in homework. I ran out of gas on the highway. My tank was empty and so was I. Fate brought me to the cliffs and I allowed it to happen. Now I'm standing on the edge, staring down at the deep fall that I might make, asking fate, "what's next?"

All I can hope for is the free will to turn around and go back home to my porch. I don't want to lose the ability to sit and listen to the whirling whispers of the wind. Free will is such a beautiful thing we take too much for granted. Fate always gets its way.

Should I jump? Or will the wind push me off the cliff and leave me as a whisper that I once thought to be so sweet

Six word memoir-- extended

I was haunted, now I'm free.

Never again will I feel the need to flee.

I am at a green light for the first time--

finally able to breathe.

Blood Flow

How does one ever begin to explain something that they have no comprehension of?
How do I begin to explain to the doctors that my blood is still pumping through my veins, yet I am numb-- entirely.
Where do I begin the list of emotions that scatter more along the lines of bipolar than roller coaster?
I am not insane.
I am not bipolar.
I am simply, numb.
My being is at a stop light that never changes; no matter how much I crawl toward it, or honk, I am at a stand still.
I wish so badly that my day did not get ruined by the clouds in the sky, but it always seems to go that way.
I wish that I could look at the moon and feel something besides cold.
I pray that one day I look up to the sun and feel warm again.
This place is lonely-- this place I'm trapped in.
I am not sure how to get the light to change, but I hope to figure it out someday.

Starry Night

Growing up, she  traced the moon every night with her pointy finger 

When she was eight she told her daddy she wanted to be like the beautiful stars one day

But, some dreams are forgotten in time.

One night at age fifteen she was at a bonfire; completely lost in who she was.

She hadn't known herself in six months since boys started noticing her breasts and her braces came off. She was brand new. No more galaxy girl 

She had drank a few and smoked some smoke--

Completely lost in her thought until she saw the moon.

She crawled in a random tail bed and traced the moon with her pointy finger like when she was three 

The next day she visited her daddy's grave and told him it was time to change. 

She remembered she wanted to be a star one day. 

John's Innocence

She sat on her porch listening to the hum of the cicadas and lit her last cigarette 

After the year she had, after the things she had suffered; where was God?

She had never known how empty it felt to be alone

Puff, puff, her lungs were full of smoke

Her little brother came outside and told her she was going to get cancer, 

He begged her to put it out

The girl said, "I'm dying anyway, John." 

4/22/16

We walked around that empty room, with nothing else but the shining moon

Bare feet, two breaths, and two beating hearts

It felt like we would never fall apart

April 7, 2016

To my heart,

     

     Just as the sun rises and sets each day, my love for you is everlasting. I see your sweet face and feel every bit of your soul dripping right off of your very being. Seeing you brings a light to my eyes that nothing ever has before. I could watch you all day. My favorite view of you is when the warm sun hits your skin through your bedroom window just right. You see every contour of your body, each individual eyelash, each freckle. I could look into your crystal blue eyes for eternity. From the moment I saw you I knew that I had a home; inside of you. With each touch I get goosebumps, with each kiss my heart melts. I am so grateful to know that not only do I have a soulmate, but that he is you. You complete me in a way that I could not imagine in my wildest dreams. You fill every void in my soul like I had never thought possible. You give me life. Every bad day, every bad dream, feeling, unhappiness, weariness, fear, everything dark turns to light when you are around. All I need is a quick fix of your love to assure me that the sun will rise come morning. You are my hero, and I assure you that I will love you more with each breath I take for all of eternity. You once asked me if I still loved you today as much as I did the day before; I told you no-- I love you more. This will reign true for each of my days, because with you my heart never feels sadness, or pain, or heartache, or misery. You are the greatest blessing of my life, and I am forever going to keep you. I live for the mornings that I roll over and wrap my arms around your strong chest and can kiss your sweet cheeks. I long to come home to you each day. Just to rub my hands across your beard, and talk about how work was. I love that you are not just my man, but also my best friend. I could never lose you without losing myself. I have loved you since the beginning of time, it just took a while to meet you. Now that I have, I could not live without you. Just as the moon, and the tide, and the sun rise and fall each day, and just as the earth orbits, and the clouds hover, I will love you. It is unchangeable. 

4/1/16

The best part of being with you is seeing the happiness that shines out of every movement you make and every word that you speak. It's blinding, like I'm staring at the sun as it rises. The passion is incredible. The light pours from your soul and illuminates the sky. Loving you means loving the sun.

Creative response 3/24

Dear diary, 

      Every third Friday of the month, at precisely 3:37 a.m., the door bell rings like clock work. Today my sister, Luarissa yelled up the stairs to me, "we got another one!" Today it was not the third Friday of the month, and it wasn't three a.m., either. Today is Tuesday, and it is five in the afternoon. How could they deliver this frozen wrapped body to my porch in clear day light? It's so odd how accustomed Luarissa has gotten toward this whole fiasco. It worries me that she may think that this is right. Dad is a scientist who got fired by the government for his impractical practices on human remains. Now he never leaves our basement. We only see him on the Friday's that we take the remains downstairs for him to work on. Without those third Friday's we would be bastards. Mom left when he was let go, and she didn't bother taking us with her. Our father believes he can use human remains to create robotic humans that live for eternity. I am unsure how he gets these corpses delivered to our house so often, but he always finds a way. So far we have delivered forty-two cold ones to his little laboratory. So far he has failed. It's a real sad thing to live with. I only hope that Laurissa and I get out alive. 

Angel

I was recently visited by someone I never expected to see again. I never thought I'd hear his voice, or touch his skin. We hugged and we laughed. I woke up in tears. I had been visited by an Angel in my sleep. In life you will meet people that were crafted extra specially. Their souls are different than most and you see the sunshine that peaks out of their hearts. You recognize these people as great. My friend Spencer was an amazing person; caring and loving. No matter what was happening in his own life he would set his own troubles aside to help someone else. Spencer had a heart of Gold. It doesn't matter how he passed away, what matters is that I now know that he is still okay. I am an incredibly spiritual person. Not in a way like I will get on the ground and speak in tongues or anything wild (not dissing you if you do that but...,) no, I am spiritual in a sense of knowing what I believe and knowing my God and myself. I talk to God throughout my day not just with my hands folded or holding a rosary, but I speak to him as a friend when I am in need. I don't just pray when times are tough, but I keep a very open relationship with the Lord. I believe in heaven and miracles and karma and the universe. After seeing Spencer nothing can be doubted. The Lord allowed him to come and check on me and I have never felt so blessed. I cried for hours, not only because I saw and spoke to an angel but because of how incredible it is to know that I am so fortunate as to have had that opportunity. And if I never see or speak to him again I will be happy knowing I did this last time. He said something to me in my dream that really set me aback. Me and Spencer had kissed a couple times and had crushed on each other for years, so when he flirted with me I was not surprised; he goes, "so in what life time are we going to fall in love and become soul mates? Because I have like nine lives." And when he said this it all clicked to me, Spencer isn't alive. And all instinatiously I was sad but so happy. I couldn't tell him that he wasn't alive, I couldn't tell him that he was an angel, it wasn't my place and I couldn't spit the words out. Although I'm sure he knows that he is an angel, I could not bring myself to say that to him, I simply laughed and replied, "we will have to find out." The day after the dream was the day I had to choose what I am majoring in in college, and I had no idea if I was suppossed to pick law and justice or writing and film. Spencer looked at me and told me that I was going to make a great lawyer one day. I chose criminal justice that day when I woke up.

When you open up your soul to God and the universe you allow all miracles to become possible.
I love you Spencer!

Seventeen

You taste like burnt coffee and late night cigarettes.

Nothing but bad decisions,

I love it.

You pop the screen out of my window and we sneak to your truck.

But we don't ....

We don't even leave my drive way.

Instead we lay in the tail bed looking at the stars.

You tell me you're scared-- I asked of what?

You told me it was my eyes. They sucked you in like gravity held us down. You didn't understand that butterflies could be felt in your toes.

You said you had never thought someone was as beautiful as the sun, the moon, and all the light of the world until you realized that I was the universe.

And you love me.

Before we popped the screen back in I kissed those sweet lips of yours, and that's when I think we knew it was real.



Creative Response 1/29/16

He whistled; There goes the bride as blood and tears streamed down his face.
Oh it really was quite the disgrace.
Dressed in white head to toe, she had never looked so beautiful in all the time he knew her.
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. One minute she's saying her vows, the next, you know...
It was really not a good idea to invite her ex husband. Especially knowing how much he loved hunting...
That crossbow strung and there the bride hung. Dead at the alter.
It shot her body right against the tree. Her blood ran straight down it.
He did not know what to think, his bride had just been murdered.
He sat and he stared as he touched the blood dripping like sap off of the old oak.
So many tears streamed down his face as he whistled, there goes my bride.

Whiskey Goodbye

Lately your lips are like winter and your words, like the Sahara.

I always try to be like June with you, sunny and vibrant.

I give you my heart, and you say I have yours.

Feels more like a liver to me.

Drink me away,

You drink so much lately. 

I know someone else has that heart of yours. Your soul has run out on me. 

We are over,

Pass me the whiskey. 

Life at sea- photo response

 I am the girl on the ladder, leaning too close to the edge,

sometimes I wish I was the girl on top of the sea turtles head. 

The girl on the ladder is lost

Looking out the window 

There are no more steps to allow her to climb out

She's trapped in the void.

I wish I was the girl in pink and blue with balloons. 

She looks so happy and found.

She knows just who she is. 

I sure wish I did. 

The Sun Will Rise Again

Cherry red lips as plump as peaches

Kiss me once, gently like air.

This is goodbye, goodbye to those lips I love.

Eyes like sharp emeralds dancing in starlight.

Look at me once, soak me in.

This is goodbye, my last look into your eyes.

Put your hand on my back, caress me again.

Hold me one last time, with love.

Breathe; without me-- let me go.

I am gone now but still think of you:

often when I see the sun.

Could it be that you are my sun?

My eternal warmth and happiness.

My love revolves around you like the Earth.

It’s too bad we said goodbye my love.

No longer can you be my sun.

I am gone now.

I can breathe without you. I’ve let go.

I’ll remember you when I see the sun.

A Story Of Life

A Story Of Life

Not Mine, But Someone's

    

    She could never allow herself to feel tied down again. They all left her, cheated, and abused her heart. It was the boys she could not love that loved her most, while she loved the ones most who could not love her. She cries, and cries. Soon she realizes, it’s not just relationships that she can no longer commit to, but also sports, school, friends. She no longer can commit; she is drowning in fear. How will she ever feel the love? After all, if there’s anything that everyone needs it is to feel like there’s someone in the universe that can love them. She felt alone, she felt as if something was wrong with her. But what? What did she ever do to drive everyone away? She was goofy, and passionate, adventurous, and daring. She had no fears except for love, her biggest dream. She was seventeen then.

   She’s twenty-six now with two kids, and a husband. The loneliness was cured. She "got over” her commitment issues at twenty when a sweet college boy showed her what appreciation meant. She had never felt as precious as a flower until he touched her. He loved her and she loved his love. She stared at her baby girl, back came that old fear. She felt her seventeen year old heartbreaks like they were fresh. She’s scared for her daughter's future, and worried that she will have the same misfortunes. The woman stared at her son now, and promised to commit to making him the best man she could. He wouldn’t objectify women, he wouldn’t lie or cheat. Back at her daughter she looked and promised to commit to teaching self love, and independence.

    Eighteen years pass and she is forty-two now. Still happily in love with her college boys love. Her daughter is twenty and wants to bring her boyfriend home for Christmas. Throughout the daughter’s teen years her mother would check every guy out that little Suzie liked. She always called it from the get-go when they were no good, which was every time thus far. Suzie hated feeling as if her mom was trying to sabotage who she could or could not be with. Mom liked the boy at christmas. “That’s new,” Suzie thought.